David Letterman’s Top Ten Lists – 03/12/12 to 03/14/12
Posted by Steve Yeich | Posted in Jokes | Posted on 19-03-2012
Tags: David Letterman jokes, David Letterman's top ten lists, funny one-liners, hilarious jokes, late night humor, late night jokes, really funny jokes
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Here are David Letterman’s top ten lists from last week:
Top Ten Other Phrases Never Before Said By Mitt Romney
10.”Where my pimps at?”
9.”Ah, that’s enough hair gel”
8.”This brisket is so good I could plotz”
7.”Man, ‘The Late Show’ is hilarious tonight”
6.”Let’s scour Craigslist for some free couches”
5.”I try to eat some cold cereal at the end of the day, and a full tummy, and a long day puts me to bed” (Sorry, I’m being told Mitt has said this)
4.”We can’t lay people off, it’s Christmas!”
3.”I think the dog would be more comfortable inside the car”
2.”Only if you insist, I’ll sing”
1.”Tell the chef not to bother warming my nuts”
Top Ten Signs You’re A Terrible Singer
10.Your CD is in a bin labeled, “Crap for a Quarter”
9.You sing like the Mets play baseball
8.Amnesty International is begging you to stop
7.People who say that “You’ve got great pipes” are referring to your actual plumbing
6.Verse, chorus, wet cough, verse, chorus, hacking wet cough
5.A church choir tries to trade you to another church choir
4.Your album warning label reads: “Caution: Do Not Play”
3.Your neighbors always ask if you’ve been trying to breed cats
2.You’re this guy (Mitt Romney singing)
1.Instead of iTunes, you’re on iSuck
Top Ten Thoughts Going Through Will Ferrell’s Mind Just Before Appearing On The Late Show
10.”Ahhh, the Vicodin is kicking in”
9.”Do I look too handsome?”
8.”That pre-show jambalaya was a bad idea”
7.”Will this help me get an appearance on Leno?”
6.”Gotta practice: 3, 2, 1, fake smile”
5.”Don’t be obvious plugging the film, ‘Casa De Mi Padre’ in theaters March 16th”
4.”Ok, 3, 2, 1, fake laugh”
3.”Lady…I’m your knight in shining armor, and I love you”
2.”God, look at Dave — so sexy — I just want to run my hands along his body — Will, focus!”
1.”Did I remember to wear pants?”
[...] EXCERPTED FROM Full Armor Of God source http://darnfunnyonline.com/david-lettermans-top-ten-list-031212-to-031412/ [...]
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