Posted by Steve Yeich | Posted in Humor article | Posted on 24-05-2012
(This is a humor article I had written and posted on darnfunnyonline 2 1/2 years ago and I’m re-posting it now.)
It is a commonly known fact (meaning I believe it to be true) that women get married so they will have someone to talk to, or more accurately, someone to listen to them. Men on the other hand get married so they have someone to have regular sex with and they don’t have to talk to them to get it.
Not really working out so well, is it?
There are exceptions, like Bill Clinton, who loves to talk and also like to have sex. He made his own rules and got married to someone he never wanted to have sex with so he would have a reason to talk to other women and get them to have sex with him but never have to marry them because he already had a wife. Very confusing.
But, back to the general rule. Women long for the open communication about their feelings and thoughts about their relationships. Men want to be left alone to watch sports and spit and cuss. Open communication to a man is not falling asleep while his spouse is talking to him, and occasionally nodding to assure her he is listening, while thinking of sports or sex.
Among a man’s favorite things to talk about are business, sports and sex. And most men love to tell jokes, which are mostly about business, sports or sex, which is why most women don’t really get the jokes. But to show that they have good sense of humor they laugh anyway. By the way, a man’s definition of a woman with a sense of humor is someone who laughs at his jokes.
One of the great joys of sex for a man is that it gets the woman to stop talking. On the other hand, one of the things women like about sex is that it gives them something to talk about later on.
Strangely enough, women even seem to like to talk about how fat they are as long as their men reassure them that it is not true at all. And any sane man will do that if he any hopes of ever achieving his dream as noted in the first paragraph of this article.
One place where this is all turned around is in the bathroom. Men will talk about anything while they are sitting on the toilet. Especially if it is about the size of the dump they are leaving, and they’ll probably want to show it as well. Women do not want to talk while sitting on the toilet, in fact, that is one place where they decidedly do not want to share their feelings.
Again, there are exceptions to all these “rules”. Take Barack Obama (please take him) for example, no man in the history of the universe liked to talk more than this guy. It is actually quite possible that he is a woman in disguise. He’s also bad at bowling, another clue. But to his advantage he does like basketball, so there is hope for him.
Just imagine how confusing it is for Michelle Obama. She says, “Barack, we need to talk.”
Instead of frowning and rubbing his temples in despair or curling up into the fetal position like most men when they hear that phrase, he says excitedly, ”Sure Michelle, what do want to talk about, socialism, health care, bail outs, swine flu vaccinations, town hall meetings, the evils of the Republican party, printing more money…”
Michelle, now being forced to take the typical man’s viewpoint says, “Never mind, let’s just have sex.”
Barack says, “Great idea, and then we can talk about how much I actually hate pretending to like that Nancy Pelosi bitch.” Which is a subject anyone, male or female, can get on board with.