Best of the Week’s Late Night Jokes – 10/9/09
Posted by Steve Yeich | Posted in Jokes | Posted on 09-10-2009
Tags: Bill Maher jokes, Conan O'Brien jokes, David Letterman jokes, Jay Leno jokes, Jimmy Fallon jokes
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Here are the week’s best late night jokes:
“There’s been some squabbling in the Republican Party. In a recent interview, John McCain’s former campaign manager said that if Sarah Palin is the Republican Party’s presidential nominee, the results will be catastrophic — as opposed to when she was the vice presidential nominee and everything went perfectly.” –Conan O’Brien
“The other day at a political fundraiser, Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi got to meet actor Robert Redford. And witnesses say she was flirting with him. There was an awkward moment when Pelosi winked at Redford and $4,000 worth of Botox squirted out.” –Conan O’Brien“And earlier in the week, President Barack Obama met with 150 doctors. He got all kinds of advice from them. This weekend, he’s going to try out the tips they gave him on the golf course.” –Jay Leno
“And over the weekend, the President and the First Lady celebrated their wedding anniversary. They went out to dinner. There were no gifts exchanged. They didn’t exchange any gifts because, as you know, that would be socialism.” –Jay Leno
“And President Obama had a very tense 25-minute meeting aboard Air Force One last week with General McChrystal, our top general in Afghanistan. And apparently, McChrystal gave a speech in London last week very critical of Obama’s policies in Afghanistan. And Obama was not happy. In fact, he considers it so important, he’s thinking about canceling his upcoming appearance on ‘Ellen.’” –Jay Leno
“President Obama’s national security advisor said the President will overturn the ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell’ policy in the military. Well I think that’s good. I think gay people should be allowed to serve in the military. It seems ridiculous if they’re not. And listen to this. They’ll be able to keep the same slogan, an ‘Army of One — Singular Sensation.’” –Jay Leno
“I think Obama is starting to get a little desperate. After losing the Olympics last week, he scaled back a little bit. Like, today, he was in New York, making the case for Chicago-style pizza.” –Jay Leno
“Hey, speaking of presidents, a former speechwriter to President Bush was quoted as saying that, contrary to what people think, ‘Bush wasn’t dumb.’ In fact, as we speak, that quote’s being engraved on the wall of the Bush presidential library.” –Conan O’Brien
“You hear about Letterman? I was shocked that Letterman has been having affairs. I had no idea he was even running for office.” –Bill Maher
“President Obama has banned federal employees from texting while driving, because he says it’s distracting and could lead to accidents. That’s what he said, yeah. Obama admitted that he was texting behind the wheel when he picked Joe Biden for vice president.” –Conan O’Brien
“There’s a new book out called “why women have sex” that has a list of 237 reasons why women have sex. And Letterman knows the top ten.” –Jimmy Fallon
