Best of the Week’s Late Night Jokes- 10-2-09
Posted by Steve Yeich | Posted in Jokes | Posted on 02-10-2009
Tags: Conan O'Brien jokes, David Letterman jokes, Jay Leno jokes, Jimmy Fallon jokes, late night commedian jokes
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Here are this week’s best late night jokes:
“President Obama and Oprah Winfrey are going to Copenhagen together this week to push for Chicago to host the 2016 Olympics. The bad news is while they’re gone the country’s going to be run by Joe Biden and Jerry Springer.” –Conan O’Brien
“President Obama says he will use all of his powers of persuasion to get the Olympics in Chicago. I thought, well, great. It’s worked pretty well so far with his healthcare plan. Good luck there.” –David Letterman
“Big healthcare news. This just happened. The public option backed by President Obama was just voted down by the Senate Finance Committee, or as supporters of universal healthcare call them, ‘The Death Panel.’ The final tally was eight voted ‘yes,’ 15 voted ‘you lie!’” –Jimmy Fallon
“I’ve got a really strange story in the news about Al Qaeda. According to intelligence reports – I’m not making this up – the new standard procedure for Al Qaeda hiding explosives inside their rectum. Either that or they’re playing a cruel practical joke on Ahmed. ‘Are you sure everyone’s doing this?’ ‘Yeah, go ahead, go ahead.’” –Conan O’Brien
“Well, if you saw ‘60 Minutes,’ you probably saw this. President Obama coming under fire, because he has only spoken to the U.S. commander in Afghanistan once in the last six months. Well, whose fault is that? Hey, if the general wants to talk to President Obama, get a talk show. That’s how you do it.” –Jay Leno
“Well, actually, to be fair, I thought this was nice, President Obama said he’s been very busy lately, but he would be willing to add the general as a Facebook friend.” –Jay Leno
“Well, a new book is coming out — oh, boy, this is unbelievable — by John Edwards’ campaign official, a guy named Andrew Young. I guess they were quite close friends. Young now says there is sex tape of John Edwards and his mistress. Well, of course, people are stunned by this. John Edwards letting someone else get in front of the camera? I don’t think so.” –Jay Leno
“You know, I think it is true, because at one point on the tape, at the height of passion, you can hear John Edwards screaming out his own name.” –Jay Leno
“Senator Chris Dodd, who is head of the Senate Banking Committee, is pushing for one super-regulator to oversee all the banks. He said his goal to restore more confidence in the banking system. You know what would restore more confidence in the banking system? If Chris Dodd wasn’t head of the Senate Banking Committee.” –Jay Leno
“The big news was the Senate yesterday – the finance committee – rejected the Democrats’ health-care plan, the one with the public option. Meanwhile, the Republicans are offering their own health- care plan. It’s called, ‘Stop Crying and Take an Advil.’” –Jimmy Fallon
