Best Late Night Jokes of the Week – 12/24/09
Posted by Steve Yeich | Posted in Jokes | Posted on 24-12-2009
Tags: Conan O'Brien jokes, David Letterman jokes, Jay Leno jokes, Jimmy Fallon jokes, late night comedians jokes
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Here are the best jokes from the late night comedians for this week.
“In Washington this week, of course, President Obama is expecting a visit from Santa Claus. Finally, an invited guest at the White House for a change.” –Jay Leno
“Of course, the storm is the big story, it is unbelievable. It actually paralyzed Washington more than Joe Lieberman. In fact, there was so much white powder in D.C., people thought Marion Barry was mayor again.” –Jay Leno
“Meteorologists are calling this a record blizzard, which makes sense if you think about it. Republicans have always said that the Senate would pass health care when hell freezes over, and apparently, it has!” –Jay Leno
“Democrats in Congress have scheduled a vote on health care for Christmas Eve. They said, this issue is so important, we’re willing to work even on Christmas Eve. You know, I think that’s great. I like that. I mean, anything that keeps drunk drivers off the road on Christmas Eve, you know, I think that’s terrific.” –Jay Leno
“This is big. The Senate is trying to pass health care by Christmas. They had to take a rare vote last night at 1:00 a.m. Yeah, they scheduled it for 1am because that’s when John McCain gets up to pee.” –Conan O’Brien
“I saw this today. President Obama said, ‘The federal government can no longer spend taxpayers’ money like it’s Monopoly money.’ Especially since now, Monopoly money is actually more valuable than the dollar.” –Jimmy Fallon
“Over the weekend, the U.S. transferred 12 Guantanamo detainees to their homelands of Afghanistan, Yemen and Somalia. Wait, we’re sending potential terrorists back to Afghanistan? That’s like dropping Roman Polanski off at a Jonas Brothers concert.” –Jimmy Fallon
“President Obama has signed a new $1.1 trillion spending bill. See, the reason it’s called a spending bill is they get to spend it and we get the bill.” –Jay Leno
“Sources close to Tiger Woods say that he’s spending his days now eating cereal and watching cartoons. In other words, Tiger Woods has gone from living every man’s fantasy life, to living every man’s real life.” –Conan O’Brien
“The latest rumor is that Tiger Woods’ wife has decided to divorce him. Apparently, she realized that once she’s single she’ll have a better chance of sleeping with Tiger Woods.” –Conan O’Brien
“Today a judge issued an order that requires Tiger Woods to stay 90 feet away from mistletoe.” –David Letterman
Roman Polanski is a child molester that is for sure`”:
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