Best Late Night Jokes of the Week – 09/03/10
Posted by Steve Yeich | Posted in Jokes | Posted on 03-09-2010
Tags: Craig Ferguson jokes, David Letterman's top ten, hilarious jokes, Jay Leno jokes, jokes from late night comedians, late night jokes, really funny jokes
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Here are the best jokes of the week from the late night comedians. Many are still off this week but we have Jay Leno, Craig Ferguson and David Letterman:
“Last night in only his second Oval Office address, President Obama announced the end of Operational Iraqi Freedom. He said we have given the Iraqis a Western-style government. Well, we certainly have, haven’t we? Their economy is in shambles, their Congress is corrupt, the country is broke, welcome aboard!” –Jay Leno
“Before President Obama’s address, he called former President George W. Bush. I’m not saying the economy is bad, but he called collect.” –Jay Leno
“I guess they had a pretty cordial conversation. President Bush said for the last 19 months, he’s been relaxing and playing golf. President Obama said, ‘You too?’” –Jay Leno
“President Obama said that too many Americans are struggling to find jobs. You know what these Americans are going to be called? Democrats.” –Jay Leno
“President Obama was in New Orleans for the fifth anniversary of Hurricane Katrina. Halfway through his speech, FEMA finally showed up.” –Jay Leno
“President Obama said he can’t walk around with his birth certificate plastered on his forehead. Apparently he was reacting to new polls that show 1 in 5 Kenyans now believe he was born in Hawaii.” –Jay Leno
“Congress is very upset with Roger Clemens because they feel like they were lied to. Good! Now they know how we feel.” –Jay Leno
“I just got back from vacation. I went on vacation the same time as President Obama. We both had to get away from it all and not do anything of significance. And now we are back and still not doing anything of significance.” –Craig Ferguson
David Letterman’s “Top Ten Things Never Before Said In An Oval Office Address”
10. “Gotta keep this short because I’m going on another vacation”
9. “Watch how fast I can spin in my chair . . . Wee!”
8. “Who wants Justin Bieber tickets?”
7. “Tonight’s Oval Office address has been brought to you by Jimmy Dean Pure Pork Sausages”
6. “Kneel before General Zod!”
5. “Now I’d like to share a poignant story about Frank Sinatra”
4. “Earlier today I met with Vice President, Secretary of State, and Late Show audio technician Tom Herrmann”
3. “CAA sent over lunch. There are steaks and sandwiches in the conference room”
2. “Just back from a pleasure trip — took my mother-in-law to the airport. Hiyo!”
1. “Just like most of America, I’d rather be watching ‘Glee’”
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