darnfunnyonline.com

Here are the best jokes of the week from the late night comedians including Jay Leno, Conan O’Brien, David Letterman, Craig Ferguson, Jimmy Kimmel and Jimmy Fallon:

Well, President Obama and first lady Michelle went to see the U.S. Olympic basketball team play Brazil the other day. And during the game, they were put on the kiss cam. At first, they didn’t kiss and the crowd booed them. Then the camera went back to them. And they finally did kiss. Isn’t that amazing? A politician in Washington caught on camera kissing a woman he’s actually married to? –Jay Leno

Romney’s surrogate, John Sununu, he’s in hot water for saying that, “I wish president Obama would learn how to be an American.” Well, that’s kind of insulting, isn’t it? Don’t you think? President Obama spends money he doesn’t have. He loves to skip work and play golf. He sneaks away from his wife to eat fatty foods. What is more American than that? –Jay Leno

The Obama administration has reportedly told Syrian rebels they can’t help them until after the election. So at least they’re consistent. That’s the same thing they’re telling us. “Can’t help you until after the election. –Jay Leno

We’re learning more and more about this guy Kim Jong-Un. New vicious, evil dictator of North Korea. Quite a . . . Apparently quite a ladies’ man. For a long time he was known as Kim Jong Clooney. –David Letterman

The west coast is being threatened by tropical storm Fabio. The weathermen say Fabio formed three days ago. They’re wrong. Fabio has been spinning around in my dreams for years. –Craig Ferguson

We are in the worst drought in 56 years. That seems unbelievably negative. Wouldn’t that be the best drought? –Jimmy Kimmel

The boy Scouts of American has announced that they will continue to enforce their policy of banning opening gay boys from being scouts and openly gay adults from taking leadership positions in the organization. Between this and same sex marriage, people really don’t want gay people tying knots. –Jimmy Kimmel

Last night, the Knicks decided to let go of Jeremy Lin. Allowing him to join the Houston Rockets. And, if that weren’t bad enough, the Knicks actually had Jason Kidd drive him to the airport. –Jimmy Fallon

You guys hear about this? There’s a new slow-moving storm in the pacific called hurricane Fabio. Meteorologists expect hurricane Fabio to touch the coastline, caress it softly, and then whisper, “I can’t believe it’s not butter.” –Jimmy Fallon

A new study found that Facebook games can cause kids to develop gambling problems. That is not good, no. You’d hate to see a kid’s gambling addiction get in the way of their Facebook addiction. –Jimmy Fallon

Looks like designer Ralph Lauren is trying to calm the controversy over the fact that those Olympic uniforms they produced were made in china. Well, he now says the uniforms they make for the 2014 winter Olympics will be made right here in the USA using our own good old fashioned illegal immigrants. –Jay Leno

Well, Harry Reid and other members of congress, they’re just furious over this Olympic uniform deal. He says we should burn the uniforms, and it’s an embarrassment and a disgrace. Not as embarrassing as congress constantly borrowing money from the Chinese, but still embarrassing. –Jay Leno

After signing as a point guard with the New York Knicks, Jason Kidd was arrested Sunday night after he crashed his car into a pole. Following a long night of partying, crashed right into a pole. Which is odd. Typically the Knicks don’t start crashing until April, right? In fact, witnesses say they haven’t seen an NBA player that drunk since the day Kris Humphries married Kim Kardashian. –Jay Leno

It is reported that Jennifer Lopez decided to leave American Idol because of Steven Tyler’s departure. She said “I don’t want to be the only woman judge.” –Conan O’Brien

After years of criticism for his poor record on boosting employment, President Barack Obama is pleased to announce today he created a job. Congratulations to Amelio Markham from Smithsburg, Maryland, on his new job, making charts illustrating president Obama’s downward spiraling approval ratings. –David Letterman

It’s a great day for America’s sweetheart, a great entertainer; David Hasselhoff is 60 years old today. Happy Birthday. His friends surprised him by popping out from his chest hair. –Craig Ferguson

Yesterday in Cincinnati, President Barack Obama had a meeting with Jerry Springer. He is trying to win the vote of husbands who cheat on their wives with men. That’s a big demographic. –Craig Ferguson

Mitt Romney is close to announcing his running mate. Apparently Romney wants a female with a strong stage presence and the free time to campaign. So I’m guessing Steven Tyler. –Craig Ferguson

Maybe the reason Mitt Romney doesn’t want to release his tax returns is because Mitt Romney is Batman. –Jimmy Kimmel

The FBI is investigating a recent flight. Passengers found needles in their turkey sandwiches. Thank god it was just needles and not a real threat to safety like a 9 oz. bottle of body lotion. –Jimmy Kimmel

During last night’s USA-Brazil basketball game, President Obama gave Michelle a kiss when they were shown on the kiss cam. That’s cute. It explains why everyone was like, “quick, put him on the fix the economy cam!” –Jimmy Fallon

Yesterday in Cincinnati, Jerry Springer announced that he is endorsing Obama. Don’t get too excited. Obama still has to win over Judge Judy and Maury. –Jimmy Fallon

A new study found that women’s IQs ARE HIGHER THAN MEN’S for The first time in 100 years. They would have found it earlier, but the researchers were all men. –Jimmy Fallon

Last night I went out for Chinese. I picked up a Team USA Olympic uniform. –Jay Leno

Critics are saying these Chinese uniforms are un-American. Have you looked around America lately? Cheap crap made in China. That’s what we’re wearing. Does it get any more American than that? –Jay Leno

The big news in Washington now is the disappearance of Congressman Jesse Jackson, Jr. Nobody can find him. He’s completely disappeared. People think he’s either in rehab or he might have been given his own show on CNN. –Jay Leno

On Friday Oprah Winfrey interviewed Mitt Romney. They talked about politics, foreign policy, and what it’s like to lose a million dollars in the couch cushions. –Conan O’Brien

According to a new report, the average Canadian is now richer than the average American. This is bad news for Americans and worse news for those Mexicans who now have to tunnel all the way to Canada. –Conan O’Brien

Burger King has debuted its bacon sundae. It comes with whipped cream and a note that says “Do not resuscitate.” –Conan O’Brien

Jason Kidd was drinking and he got arrested. I thought if I had just signed with the Knicks I would probably start drinking too. –David Letterman

Stephen Tyler and another of the “American Idol” judges, Jennifer Lopez — fired, gone, they’re not coming back. Well, that’s two more jobs lost under Obama. –David Letterman

A new poll found that 54 percent of Florida voters think the country is on the wrong track under President Obama. While the rest of Florida’s voters still think Teddy Roosevelt is president. –Jimmy Fallon

Sarah Palin is saying she still hasn’t been invited to the Republican National Convention next month. The RNC says it’s all a misunderstanding — as in, Palin misunderstands the meaning of the phrase, “You’re not invited.” –Jimmy Fallon

darnfunnyonline.com