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The late night comedians were in reruns this week but there were some jokes from the end of last week that were on after I posted last week.  Here they are:

Last night was the big annual congressional baseball game between the Democrats and Republicans, and the Democrats won 18-5. Of course the Democrats won. Did you see who the umpire was? Chief Justice John Roberts. –Jay Leno

The Obamacare ruling makes Roberts the firsBest Late Night Jokes of the Week – 07/06/12t Republican to favor an insurance law with an individual mandate since, well, Mitt Romney. –Jay Leno

People will now have to have health insurance. The same way every driver in California has car insurance. –Jay Leno

The Democratic Convention is $27 million in debt. They had to cancel the kick-off event at the Charlotte Motor Speedway. A speedway is the perfect place for the Democratic Convention. You go around in circles, turn left every few seconds, and you end up right where you started. –Jay Leno

Tyler Perry’s “Madea’s Witness Protection” opens today. He plays three parts in the movie, which is impressive and also economically very clever. –Craig Ferguson

A wiseguy named Jimmy the Weasel in the witness protection program kept committing crimes so they kicked him out of the program. Who could’ve predicted that you couldn’t trust a guy called “The Weasel.” –Craig Ferguson

When you join the witness protection program the government usually gives you a fake birth certificate, like they did for President Obama. –Craig Ferguson

A lot of times people in the witness protection program get plastic surgery. That’s why the Mafia spent so much time looking for Sammy “The Cat Lady” Ravanno. –Craig Ferguson

A United Airlines passenger has filed a complaint after a maintenance man dropped superglue on her head on a flight to Houston. I don’t know what’s scarier — that a passenger got superglue on her head, or that United fixes their airplanes with superglue. –Jimmy Fallon

This week Vice President Joe Biden spoke at a senior center in Iowa. Which explains why the seniors were like, “Is this Hell?” –Jimmy Fallon

A group of protesters crashed a van into Microsoft’s headquarters in Athens. When they heard a van crashed, Microsoft was like, “We make vans?” –Jimmy Fallon

The NYPD is apparently teaching its officers how to be more polite. It’s true — last time I got frisked, the cop was like, “Have you lost weight?” –Jimmy Fallon

If you’re an illegal immigrant in Arizona hoping to become a citizen so you can get free healthcare, this is the greatest week of your life. –Jay Leno

CNN was first to announce the decision, but they got it wrong. They said the healthcare mandate was struck down. Luckily, it was on CNN so nobody saw it. –Jay Leno

According to a poll by National Geographic, 65 percent of Americans said President Obama would better handle an invasion by space aliens than Mitt Romney. Well sure, once the aliens landed they’d see there’s no jobs and they’d go home. –Jay Leno

According to a new report, marijuana is the most popular drug on earth. So better luck next year, bath salts that make you eat someone else’s face. –Conan O’Brien

A man is filing a lawsuit against Kim Kardashian and Kanye West, claiming they have ties to al-Qaida. When al-Qaida heard this, they said, “Please do not lump us in with those maniacs.” –Conan O’Brien

New Jersey Chris Christie is under fire for calling a politician he doesn’t like an “S.O.B.” Meanwhile, Christie calls a politician he does like a “B.L.T.” –Conan O’Brien

Call me old-fashioned but what I love best about the Fourth of July is all of the flags. Of course, they’re all made in China but still it’s the sentiment. –David Letterman

The minute Madonna checks out of a hotel, her own security team comes in and scrubs the place clean, retrieving any samples of DNA left over. It’s all erased. So there’s no sign that Madonna was ever here. Wait a minute. Didn’t Lady Ga Ga already do that to her? –David Letterman

It’s a great day for President Obama. His healthcare law was upheld by the Supreme Court. The president apparently had three speeches ready to go this morning. One if the law was overturned, one if the law was upheld, and one if Joe Biden chewed up the other two. –Craig Ferguson

Some people watching CNN were so shocked they started rioting. No, I’m kidding. No one watches CNN. –Craig Ferguson

Now that healthcare is guaranteed, I’m frying everything I eat. Fried food and cigarettes. –Craig Ferguson

It was reported that House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi wore her lucky purple shoes for the Supreme Court’s healthcare ruling — while House Speaker John Boehner wore his lucky orange face. –Jimmy Fallon

For several minutes after the ruling, CNN was mistakenly reporting that the Supreme Court struck down President Obama’s healthcare law. In response, CNN was like, “Thank God no one watches us.” –Jimmy Fallon

Pittsburgh Penguins star Jordan Staal was traded to the Carolina Hurricanes last weekend while he was getting married. Not good — you never want to find out on your wedding night that your husband’s playing for the other team. –Jimmy Fallon

Tonight we have director Oliver Stone on the show. At least that’s what the government wants you to believe. –Jimmy Fallon

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