Best Late Night Jokes of the Week – 06/11/10
Posted by Steve Yeich | Posted in Jokes | Posted on 11-06-2010
Tags: best jokes from late night comedians, Craig Ferguson jokes, David Letterman jokes, hilarious jokes, Jay Leno jokes, Jimmy Fallon jokes, Jimmy Kimmel jokes, really funny jokes
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Here are the best jokes of the week from the late night comedians, including Jay Leno, Jimmy Fallon, Craig Ferguson, David Letterman and Jimmy Kimmel:
“BP is now saying they’ve captured anywhere from 35 percent to 75 percent of the oil that is gushing out of the well. Of course, you’ve got to keep in mind they usually lie anywhere from 85 percent to 95 percent of the time.” –Jay Leno
“Women won big in California, Arkansas, Nevada and South Carolina. These are exciting times. I can remember when only rich white men could buy elections. Now women can buy them, too.” –Jay Leno
“Looks like this Gore divorce could end up being pretty costly. In fact, Al Gore now talking about only trying to save half the planet.” –Jay Leno
“It was on this day in 1934 the first Donald Duck cartoon premiered. He’s 76 years old. You’d think if America loved a 76-year-old guy with a hot temper so much, we would have elected John McCain.” –Craig Ferguson
“A few days ago, Vice President Biden and Rahm Emanuel had a water gun fight during a party at Biden’s house. Meanwhile, Sasha and Malia spent the last few days trying to solve the BP oil crisis.” –Jimmy Fallon
“Here’s a little bit of good news. The Coast Guard says that BP is now catching up to 630,000 gallons of oil a day. The bad news is that they’re capturing it with ducks.” –Jimmy Fallon
“Al Gore and his wife are getting divorced. After 40 years of marriage, it’s kind of sad. Apparently what happened was, I guess, she walked in, caught him boring another woman.” –Jay Leno
“There are signs the divorce is starting to get ugly. In fact, today, Tipper stopped recycling and bought a Humvee.” –Jay Leno
“It’s amazing to me, the new unemployment figures are not good. A lot of people out of work, yet somehow the CEO of British Petroleum still manages to keep his job.” –Jay Leno
“In an interview on NBC, President Obama said today he would’ve fired BP CEO Tony Hayward if he worked for him. But unfortunately, as you know, the White House works for BP.” –Jay Leno
“BP CEO Tony Hayward said he would just like to get his life back. He wants to get his life back. You know, I say give him life plus 20.” –Jay Leno
“The only commercial airline in Iraq, Iraqi Airways, folded this week. The CEO of Iraqi Airlines said the company could not survive in a market where everybody in the country is on the no-fly list.” –Jay Leno
“You know who performed at the Rush Limbaugh wedding? Elton John. Isn’t that amazing. It proves that there’s absolutely no ideological gap that a million-dollar check can’t bridge.” –David Letterman
“The BP oil spill turned 50 days old today. If you get it a cake, don’t light the candles.” –Jimmy Kimmel
“The spill has lasted longer, cost more, and destroyed more wildlife than Sarah Palin.” –Jimmy Kimmel
“Using electron microscopes, scientists have now discovered the slowest moving thing on Earth. Turns out, it’s the White House responding to the oil spill.” –Jay Leno
Best Late Night Jokes of the Week ? 06/11/10…
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