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Here are the best jokes of the week from the late night comedians.  Unfortunately, last week most of them were on vacation except for Craig Ferguson.  There are also some from the end of last week from the other guys that I never got to post:

It’s a big night for hockey fans. It’s game one of the Stanley Cup Finals. The Kings are in the finals for only the second time in their history. What was on ESPN today? — the national spelling bee. – Craig Ferguson

For a while, some schools across the country were banning spelling bees. For obvious reasons, of course — steroids. – Craig Ferguson

Some people take the spelling bee very seriously. These people are called “parents of children in the spelling bee.” They’re trying to make up for their own childhood of crushed dreams and misspelled words. – Craig Ferguson

One thing I’ve noticed about the spelling bee is everyone in the audience is very, very quiet. I know what that’s like, performing in front of a silent crowd. – Craig Ferguson

It’s not such a great day for fans of the game show “Jeopardy,” which is everybody. Alex Trebek says he may retire at the end of the season. Trebek says he wants to spend more time at home, arrogantly correcting his family. . – Craig Ferguson

It was announced today that they’re auctioning off the Elvis tomb. The auction house in Memphis actually is selling the place where Elvis left the building. He’s not in there, of course, because he’s working in a gas station in Henderson, Nevada. . – Craig Ferguson

Selling celebrity memorabilia is nothing new. It started in prehistoric times. Cavemen used to bid on animal skins worn by Larry King. . – Craig Ferguson

It’s Memorial Day, although it’s not a good day for America’s favorite Canadian, Justin Bieber. He’s wanted for questioning by the Los Angeles sheriff’s department. Apparently Bieber had an altercation with a photographer. Bieber went all Mel Gibson on some dude. – Craig Ferguson

Now Justin’s on the lam, considered armed and adorable. – Craig Ferguson

The photographer says he was roughed up by Justin Bieber. He had to go to the hospital. Doctors say he’ll live, but his masculinity will never fully recover. – Craig Ferguson

The guy probably will sue Justin Bieber for some cash. But he will be known for the rest of his life as the guy who got beat up by Justin Bieber. How much is that worth to you? – Craig Ferguson

Next week Mitt Romney will campaign in Las Vegas with Donald Trump and Newt Gingrich. Did somebody say “The Hangover, Part III?” –Jimmy Fallon

First lady Michelle Obama said that if she could trade places with anyone in the world, it would be Beyoncé. Of course it got awkward when Barack was like, “I’m game!” –Jimmy Fallon

Did you guys see this? Last night at the Twins-White Sox game in Chicago, Snoop Dogg threw out the first pitch. And as predicted, the pitch was pretty high. –Jimmy Fallon

This week a solar-powered plane attempted to fly more than 1,500 miles. It was going great until the plane encountered one technical problem — night. –Jimmy Fallon

It’s been a rough week for Facebook and Mark Zuckerberg. Zuckerberg has lost so much money in the market that President Obama is going to have him replace Ben Bernanke. – Jay Leno

The Center for Responsive Politics reports that President Obama has become the first politician in history to raise $1 billion in his political career. Imagine how much more he could have raised if people hadn’t lost it all in his economic plan? – Jay Leno

A Pakistani doctor who helped the CIA hunt for Osama bin Laden has been convicted of high treason in Pakistan. He was sentenced to 33 years in prison for helping us. Think how much worse the sentence would have been if Pakistan wasn’t our ally. – Jay Leno

New research shows that eating organic foods can make people more arrogant and judgmental. In fact, eating just one handful of organic bean sprouts has the same effect as driving 1,000 miles in a Prius. – Jay Leno

U2 singer Bono may have made over $1 billion from Facebook going public. A spokesman for U2 said the band is still going to tour but only because the drummer invested heavily in MySpace. –Conan O’Brien

A new study shows current members of Congress speak at a 10th grade level. When reached for comment, Congressman Eric Cantor said, “Nuh-uh!” –Conan O’Brien

A new report just came out and it claims that good cholesterol may not be as beneficial as previously thought. This is really bad news for Domino’s new good-cholesterol-stuffed pizza. –Conan O’Brien

The Miss Universe pageant was last weekend and the transgender Miss Canada did not win. Apparently judges were not impressed by her talent — having an Adam’s apple. –Conan O’Brien

In New York City it’s Fleet Week. Navy ships dock so sailors can go into the Big Apple to party. I just hope the sailors remember to be careful on the streets of Manhattan. One wrong turn and they could find themselves backstage at a Broadway show. – Craig Ferguson

The Navy was founded by a Scotsman. John Paul Jones was his name. Then he went on to play bass for Led Zeppelin. – Craig Ferguson

Historians say Americans might have lost the Revolutionary War if John Paul Jones hadn’t played a 20-minute Mellotron solo at the Battle of Brandywine. – Craig Ferguson

The Navy always appealed to me because I always liked the submarine movies. My favorite is “The Hunt for Red October” where Sean Connery played a Russian who had a Scottish accent. – Craig Ferguson

Happy birthday to Bob Dylan, who turned 71 years old today. When he made his wish, God was like, “No clue what he just said.” –Jimmy Fallon

A Disney cruise employee is being investigated for stealing a passenger’s iPhone. If he’s found guilty, he’ll be given a really tough punishment — eight more years working on that Disney cruise. –Jimmy Fallon

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